School Girl Moppets

I was in the mood to build and was thinking about some of my cute biggee outfits...

In RL

Today I have been so busy in RL. I had a class on tonight and I had to get this finished. I have been really dragging my feet lately getting things done but today I was on full steam ahead.

Taz fell asleep while we were talking. ( I fascinate him, can you tell?) So while he slept, I wrote up the class notes for tonight. He woke just as I was nearly done so then I was able to run back to the sewing machine where I stayed all day except for a slight diversion to rescue a beaten up canary.

(Canary now sleeping in an upside down shopping basket to give him a chance to recover from the bullying)

Finally, with 20 minutes to spare, I was done and the above is the finished product. It's called
"Who's Who"
Pretty cute! We have been advertising the pattern through the store and it is doing quite well which is gratifying and will contribute in a small way to my great plans to build a new home.
Happy day

Feeling Cheerful

Uhhu.. that's right.. cheerful and positive and maybe even relaxed....
Still dont have the answers but I will go and watch House and not worry for now
:)

Hunky Dorey

I have woken hunky dory
What a phony I am!
Not that I want to be consistent with the kind of misery that was my last few days and what a blessed relief!

Today's thought:

I love living "these days"
I love living with a mobile phone that can call most places on the planet at a moment notice for a price that isn't ruinous.
I love living in a time when you can chat and play with other people anywhere... and time.
I am not a political beastie. I am not at all into nationalism. I think it stands between good people and common sense. I love the Internet's multinational forum. How it equalises. Where only someone's behavior is their marker, not their wealth or their colour. I love that.
I love that we can meet and make friends of people anywhere. I love that we can fall in love anywhere.

More and more I hear people say they met on line. My mother is terrified of it. Ax murderers and all. I do remind her that as many poorly behaved people - more- can be found at a pub.

I know it isn't all roses. I know it is open to fails just like the old lives we knew. I actually pity those who haven't experienced it and judge from ignorance. It's not just on-line dungeons and dragons (no malice intended to all D&Ders), a special niche for a special group, I deeply believe that this is the path to our future.

I don't think this is the end point and I don't have so much imagination that I will try to predict where it is going, but this is the path to the future.

Exciting!

Half a tablet later...

Ok.. so I took it.. (the pill as mentioned earlier)
turns out it isn't a silver bullet. It hasn't frightened the spooks out of my head. I don't feel any change yet and apparently that is to be expected. Up to 6 weeks the pharmacist told me it could take before I feel the effects.
Crikey.
There is no way I will be able to pretend to RL that I am hunkey dorey for that long

Attention Seeking

Something you see a fair bit of in SL is attention seeking. I think I know what it is. I think it is me too.
Feeling hollow and wanting to be filled.
I guess the trick is to fill yourself.
Some trick
I hate having a clear vision of myself. It would nice to be attention seeking and not realise it. Just go out, make a fuss, enjoy it and move on to the next bout.

But I do see myself fairly clearly. Maybe a little unkindly. But I would rather add a few warts to my "warts and all" view of myself than wander around blaming everyone else for my current state.

I took myself to the doctors this week and have come up with a trifecta. Depression, stress and anxiety. Slightly less anxiety but a goodish portion none-the-less.

I have a prescription for anti-depressants. My first. I walked round with it yesterday without getting it filled. It was a comfort to me that it was there.. That it could help if I needed it. I thought maybe carrying it was all I would need.

Today I need to go fetch those drugs. Today I relied on some one to fill the hole and he couldn't. How can I say that is his fault? Should he have tried? Is he just tired of trying?
I don't know. But I do know I need some help and I need to be responsible. So I am waving good bye to the high happies. And I am hoping so much to say goodbye to the lows.

Next piece of AudSLife is going to be MedicatedAudSlife :)
I grin wryly

(and I wonder.. how is it possible to swing so vastly over hours. Is this what depression is supposed to be? Aren't I supposed to curl up into a ball and not move from my bed? How come I can get up go to work, crack jokes, then curl into a ball and sob, then get up and do it all again?)

Heart of Gold

This morning I walked into SL to make a very hard thing happen. I was coming to pack up my homes. I wandered round Brissa (the cheap one) and decided that it was cheaper than anywhere else and if I could possibly afford to stay anywhere, I could perhaps keep that... So I went to Caledon Downs to pack up there. My bunnies hopped round me, the butterflies flittered round... and before I knew it, I had paid my meters another week.

I couldn't do it.

I hopped into ISC and confessed that I hadn't been able to pack up after all, and that I would remain landed for another week.
A voice popped up on screen and a sum of money tumbled into my account. I have an anonymous donor. Some one who would like me to stay a little longer. The sum of money passed back and forth for a while. I am not comfortable with such generosity. It is not like I am poor at all. It is just that I need to use what I have in RL now.
So I am the humblest person in Caledon and thank the anonymous donor from the bottom of my heart