Friday, November 26, 2010

Today I have been so busy in RL. I had a class on tonight and I had to get this finished. I have been really dragging my feet lately getting things done but today I was on full steam ahead.

Taz fell asleep while we were talking. ( I fascinate him, can you tell?) So while he slept, I wrote up the class notes for tonight. He woke just as I was nearly done so then I was able to run back to the sewing machine where I stayed all day except for a slight diversion to rescue a beaten up canary.

(Canary now sleeping in an upside down shopping basket to give him a chance to recover from the bullying)

Finally, with 20 minutes to spare, I was done and the above is the finished product. It's called
"Who's Who"
Pretty cute! We have been advertising the pattern through the store and it is doing quite well which is gratifying and will contribute in a small way to my great plans to build a new home.
Happy day

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Feeling Cheerful

Uhhu.. that's right.. cheerful and positive and maybe even relaxed....
Still dont have the answers but I will go and watch House and not worry for now

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hunky Dorey

I have woken hunky dory
What a phony I am!
Not that I want to be consistent with the kind of misery that was my last few days and what a blessed relief!
Today's thought:
I love living "these days"
I love living with a mobile phone that can call most places on the planet at a moment notice for a price that isn't ruinous.
I love living in a time when you can chat and play with other people anywhere... and time.
I am not a political beastie. I am not at all into nationalism. I think it stands between good people and common sense. I love the Internet's multinational forum. How it equalises. Where only someone's behavior is their marker, not their wealth or their colour. I love that.
I love that we can meet and make friends of people anywhere. I love that we can fall in love anywhere.

More and more I hear people say they met on line. My mother is terrified of it. Ax murderers and all. I do remind her that as many poorly behaved people - more- can be found at a pub.

I know it isn't all roses. I know it is open to fails just like the old lives we knew. I actually pity those who haven't experienced it and judge from ignorance. It's not just on-line dungeons and dragons (no malice intended to all D&Ders), a special niche for a special group, I deeply believe that this is the path to our future.

I don't think this is the end point and I don't have so much imagination that I will try to predict where it is going, but this is the path to the future.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Half a tablet later...

Ok.. so I took it.. (the pill as mentioned earlier)
turns out it isn't a silver bullet. It hasn't frightened the spooks out of my head. I don't feel any change yet and apparently that is to be expected. Up to 6 weeks the pharmacist told me it could take before I feel the effects.
There is no way I will be able to pretend to RL that I am hunkey dorey for that long

Attention Seeking

Something you see a fair bit of in SL is attention seeking. I think I know what it is. I think it is me too.
Feeling hollow and wanting to be filled.
I guess the trick is to fill yourself.
Some trick
I hate having a clear vision of myself. It would nice to be attention seeking and not realise it. Just go out, make a fuss, enjoy it and move on to the next bout.

But I do see myself fairly clearly. Maybe a little unkindly. But I would rather add a few warts to my "warts and all" view of myself than wander around blaming everyone else for my current state.

I took myself to the doctors this week and have come up with a trifecta. Depression, stress and anxiety. Slightly less anxiety but a goodish portion none-the-less.

I have a prescription for anti-depressants. My first. I walked round with it yesterday without getting it filled. It was a comfort to me that it was there.. That it could help if I needed it. I thought maybe carrying it was all I would need.

Today I need to go fetch those drugs. Today I relied on some one to fill the hole and he couldn't. How can I say that is his fault? Should he have tried? Is he just tired of trying?
I don't know. But I do know I need some help and I need to be responsible. So I am waving good bye to the high happies. And I am hoping so much to say goodbye to the lows.

Next piece of AudSLife is going to be MedicatedAudSlife :)
I grin wryly

(and I wonder.. how is it possible to swing so vastly over hours. Is this what depression is supposed to be? Aren't I supposed to curl up into a ball and not move from my bed? How come I can get up go to work, crack jokes, then curl into a ball and sob, then get up and do it all again?)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Heart of Gold

This morning I walked into SL to make a very hard thing happen. I was coming to pack up my homes. I wandered round Brissa (the cheap one) and decided that it was cheaper than anywhere else and if I could possibly afford to stay anywhere, I could perhaps keep that... So I went to Caledon Downs to pack up there. My bunnies hopped round me, the butterflies flittered round... and before I knew it, I had paid my meters another week.

I couldn't do it.
I hopped into ISC and confessed that I hadn't been able to pack up after all, and that I would remain landed for another week.
A voice popped up on screen and a sum of money tumbled into my account. I have an anonymous donor. Some one who would like me to stay a little longer. The sum of money passed back and forth for a while. I am not comfortable with such generosity. It is not like I am poor at all. It is just that I need to use what I have in RL now.
So I am the humblest person in Caledon and thank the anonymous donor from the bottom of my heart


Take Care
I have officially had my melt down this week, so I don't need to worry about it, but for the rest of you.. the full moon is about to arrive. if you are feeling itchy and unsettled, now is the time to go find a quiet and comforting spot to go sit this one out

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Two years

Two years ago, plus a few weeks, I went to a dance to celebrate the launch of Soliel Snook's new garden centre.
I was with Eleanor and I remember lamenting that there wasn't a whole lot of chat in local chat. We decided that most of the conversations must be going in IM. Eleanor and I spied a new comer to the ranks. Tzaiqan Belgar.
This avatar was dancing with Autopilotpoppy Patty. The assumption that Eleanor and I made was that no two week old newbie was going to make it to a dance in the thick of Caledon company, and escort one of our grand ladies. He had to be an alt.
At the time there had been a run of Alts messing round with people so we were not being quite as nuts as you might think making that assumption.

I was therefore even more mystified about who this Tzaiqan really was when a few days after the dance he IMed me with a "hello, I noticed you at the dance". My suspicions ran over time but I was most curious to discover who this person really was.
Well. It wasn't at all what I thought. Instead what I had on my hands was a charming and flirtatious pom who didn't quite know the way we did things. Following his own rules, he read my profile, decided he would like to say hi and did.

We enjoyed our company for a few weeks. I don't know what Taz was expecting, but I wasn't thinking of much more at the time. we chatted about partnership and what it was. My opinion was that it was an agreement between two people. It is whatever they want to make it as SL was not the real world, defined by RL laws.

We spent more and more time together and finally found ourselves at a dreadful Elvis impersonator's dance. A third party decided to cause a fuss and somehow I was put under pressure by the fuss maker to choose Taz.. or not. Well one thing.. I shouldn't have felt that pressure. Second thing: I have never regretted making the decision.

Taz and I partnered: a commitment to get to know each other better. We did, and we still do two years later

Tuesday, November 16, 2010


This weekend is looking like packing up sl weekend
I will wander around a while yet but ...

Guess I should do a goodbye to my homes photo spread but I can't muster the energy

I will let my mind carry the images maybe

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Why I have lost my Mojo

I loved building in SL but some things have changed how I spend my time
I have been busy in RL
The bunnies over ran my mind for some months ( I am cured now)
At home some one decided to put me at the end of a wireless modem instead of plugged straight into the phone line and now i lag a lot more
Worst of all has been the change of screen since the new version of SL viewer came in.


I am not one of those who resisted the change. I took it up as soon as it became available. I didn't moan. I went about getting used to it. And now I have to say... I loath the way my screen is filled with clutter that used to all fit nicely.

Friday, November 12, 2010

More Moppet Time

This morning, when I had promised myself I would clean the house or something.. I noticed that I hadn't made a vendor of Christmas Moppets. The Vendor is a one-prim, 9 item one, and I only had 7 Christmas items so far.. so I figured.. time to make another couple of Christmas outfits
I also figured that something winter and general would do better than Christmas specific

So here we have his and her snow suits

Monday, November 8, 2010

playing with the mob

I remember seeing a photo Edward Pearse made of his household with Christine. I wondered if it was a large collection of friends or cleverness and photoshopping
I have spent some time tonight, a little short of cleverness, but playing with images none the less and here is the Fotherington Family
On the left is Devon. Devon Berliner. Two sandwich meats here in Australia. Stupid name, ugly avatar. He is a poor cousin to the girls. He wears freebies form Oxbridge and his one quality, if you can call it that, is his height.
When Audrey builds stairs, its his job to check it for height. He gets to wear the bruises to prove that the clearance wasn't high enough. In return he gets very little but an outing now and then. Poor fellow
Little Audz Mubble is a fashion conscious young lamb. She has a full wardrobe of Moppet fashions and her job is to try them for size and test their permissions. Audrey has been a bit mean lately though and is having all the dress up fun alone. Bah says Audz Mubble.

A few years ago Audrey was having a rough time and it seemed she would never know a moments peace. Heppi was her quiet space. Des let her buy our first home in Caledon- CaledonSouthend. Later when she lost her home in Fathom, Auds bought the two blocks next door from Wrath and lived there very happily for a long time.

Heppi found life in SL a little peculiar. She is Audrey. Just as Devon and Audz Mubble are...The typist is no sort of actress, so they are all the same. However Heppi has a different AO to Audrey

The typist found herself in the position where one particular person liked Heppi and did not like Audrey. it was totally perplexing. And it all boiled down to the AO. Heppi is demure, and Audrey is not :)
If Audrey wasn't having such a lovely time fetching new clothes and skins, it might almost be time to take Heppi shopping. She could do with a few new things.

Oh!! But what wonderful things the inventories of Devon, Heppi and Little Audz are! After 3 years of littering in her inventory, Audrey now has 32K items. Mostly not filed.
The spartan splendor of the cousins' inventories makes me want to play in there with them til they are just as shambollick as Auds :)


A lot of my writing over the last three years has been about home:
At the moment I feel like I am in my end days with SL mainly because I will have to stop owning land for financial reason. So for now i am throwing a bit more time and energy enjoying my SL homes properly before I have to leave them.

This is where my bunnies used to live. The bunnies have all but gone now, so finally i am moving prims, and getting myself comfortable.
This sim is amazing. Syn does wonderful deals with land and these prims cost me only 1.18L per prim per week.
I just might be able to afford to keep this one block when it is all said and done, but I am torn then because my Caledon land means a lot to me, even though it costs more. It means more for several reasons, and not the least has been the care that Des has taken of me at a few difficult times. I will continue to procrastinate over the decision for as long as possible. Fortunately, without those ravenous bunnies chewing up my money, rent in SL doesnt seem so bad.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Runs Cold

My blood runs cold when I see the games some people play with the lives of innocent and trusting people.
In Rl and SL I watch as people are manipulated. It's hard to know what to do. Do you mind your own business? Is that what a citizen of the world does?
So far I have no proof that interfering helps at all, so I stay uninvolved, but feel guilty.
When I first joined SL I felt there was an interest in the social development inside SL. There was discussion about immersion and role play. Society and peer pressure to behave appropriately. I haven't seen much of that lately, but maybe I haven't been looking.
I have a lot of time for the way SL helps people bond and interact. I am interested in how we behave with each other.

I have heard often enough people seeking to avoid "drama".
I guess I am not one of them exactly. Drama is life to me. It is feelings and emotions. It is what happens when people interact and things don't go perfectly. And how can they?
I wish to be involved in the lives of people. I feel dead when I do not share the emotions of anyone around me.

But I draw the line at creating dramas.

Drama creators:
Two sorts that I know of:
Attention seekers who are crying over one thing or another. I have some patience for these. I feel sorry that their lives need this drama to fill an emptiness. I try not to be one of these but maybe I am too public with my hand wringing at times so I won't pretend to be above this category.

The one I have no time for is the one who uses other people to create situations. That person gloats like a puppet master, messing and deceiving. Lies and more lies. Drawing in innocents in a greedy bid to make their false world bigger and bigger. This behavior isn't a game, it isn't role play because only one person has the whole truth. It is manipulative and it is a disgrace.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

a facade

On my budget, it could look like this. Not grand, but it has a roof. Now to get the builder to come in on budget with his quote

And Comments are Back on....

After a small break to let a matter settle, comments are now back on the blog :)

Friday, November 5, 2010

Leaving Downs

It is close to time: Time for RL to get my attention. It is tinged with sadness, but as I build a new home in RL I must close my homes in SL. I am putting my lovely home at Caledon Downs on the market. I would like to find it a new owner. One who will be faithful, and tasteful and creative and a steady payer of tier and otherwise a genuine right sort for Caledon!